I Wish I Knew How-to Quit You

You’re so smooth – at times. Especially when you’re in a refreshing, cold soft drink.

Or those times when family gathers together for dessert and a cup of Joe is served.

You’re so good at helping me stay up when I’m lacking the energy. Even though my heart races speedily and I even get the shakes because of you.

I wish I knew how to quit you, caffeine.

I have done well without you one whole year. And that was my healthiest year of my life.

I want to achieve that kind of healthiness once more, if not even surpass it.

But quitting you cold-turkey this time around has been most difficult.

You’re everywhere. Even in some of my hot teas.

See, I swapped my coffee for my brewed teas. And for the most part that was an easy thing to to. Because teas have a better variety and are more beneficial. Sure, you can say add this flavored creamer, add sugars, and your coffee is different tasting. But that’s not coffee. You’ve altered it so much your just drinking the creamers and saying you too enjoy coffee.

See, I liked my coffee dark. No sugar. As is. And yes there were the occasional adding hazelnut or French Vanilla creamer, but black is the way for me. And none of that decaf. It was dark roast. The worst. Packed with caffeine.

Caffeine the one ingredient I was advised by my doctor a few years back to stop consuming. When the news came that time around, oh how easy it was to quit you for a year. But then you came again. Dressed in a red aluminum can. The perfect pairing for my flautas with guac and sour cream. I grabbed the cup, filled it with ice, and poured you in and enjoyed.

And then just like that, I caught myself craving you more and more. And little by little I swapped my water for drinks that you were in. Thus began my back pains. I knew my kidney lamented it. And the pain was real. And the breakouts even more. Visible up to miles away. My body gives me signs to stop. And I do for a bit, but then I fall back into your entices. A trap.

I wish I knew how to quit you for good. Forever. None of this, “oh, I haven’t had any in a while, I’ll be okay” unending cycle of crap-filled excuses.

I wish I knew how to quit you. I wish you didn’t come in drinks that taste good.

I wish I knew how to quit you but it’s hard especially in a household where one’s mother drinks that soda in the red aluminum can. Keeping it classic. It’s hard when everywhere I go, I seem to notice someone enjoying their caffeinated drinks without a worry in the world.

I envy them for a split second. Because they seem to be okay. They don’t ever complain about pains associated with their kidneys. They don’t break out because they about real damaging their kidney.

I wish I knew how to quit you for those reasons and more.

I want my strong will-power back. When did it leave? Where did it go?

I’m here trying my hardest. I’m even jumping on that juicing lifestyle. But every now and then I slip and sip.

I wish I knew how to quit you, so I’ll start my caffeine free lifestyle this upcoming Monday.

And maybe then, I’ll be able to say, I’m glad I finally quit you. I’ve been caffeine free x number of years.