Little Did I Know…

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No, but seriously. That meme sums up all the feels.

Become a teacher. It will be great, they said. You’ll love it, they said. And then some.

Then how come I feel like I don’t love it? Then again, I’m barely a couple of weeks past my first month of teaching. But don’t get me wrong, sometimes I do enjoy it. Like back in week 3 when I focused a little more on ESL. That was fun. It was my favorite. The students seemed to interact more then. They seemed enthusiastic and interested.

Hold up, I’m starting to believe they are simply reflecting my attitudes towards the subjects I’m required to teach. I enjoy the ESL course. It’s fun. It correlates with my area of study, English. And these ELL’s are so eager to learn, when it comes to this subject, we become the perfect fitting puzzle pieces. But when there’s something in the lesson plan that I don’t find as interesting or something I could plan an interactive activity with I feel the pressure.

I feel the hours drag when I am only limited to reading off of textbooks and relying on worksheets to keep them busy. That’s what it feels like. All the limitations, it’s so hard. And with daily ever-changing rules it’s hard to improvise your lesson plan to accommodate the new and absurd rules.

No more documentaries in classroom. No more videos of any sort. Not even small clips. Rely on your textbooks. Make less copies. Have them write, write, write. No use of pencils. Only pens.

And the list goes on. Oh, but we can’t leave out the fact that it’s hard to scout and find a functioning printer with enough printing paper. Oh, and if you need pens, they don’t all have ink. Writing paper, ha! We’ve been out make copies of writing paper. Wait, doesn’t that defeat make less copies? And how can we if there’s not much of the copy paper either.

Don’t be silly Ms. Gloria, you can always reach Supply Team on channel 9. They’re just one call away. And they’ll get your supplies as soon as they finish doing what they need to be doing before they can come to you. Because your students’ educational needs can wait.

So you buy your writing paper and your pens along with other supplies.

Silly Ms. Gloria there you go again. Don’t buy your stuff we got you covered we’re on channel 9.

Umm, okay, but what?

It’s just that things like that add to not liking the whole teaching thing. But that’s not all. And I really don’t intend for this to be filled with negativity, but having to go in earlier than the shift requires and later is just time-consuming. I already have the “bad” schedule 1 pm-9 pm. That’s practically all day. Yet, you find me there at 12:30 to give me an hour for printing or printer scouting. I wish I could always say there’s an available seat at the teacher’s workroom. But finding an available computer there requires getting there earlier than early. Because they allow non-teachers in there too. Aren’t teacher workroom supposed to be exclusively for teachers? Or what’s the point of calling it the teacher’s workroom if it’s not?

When you’re not teaching you’re constantly having to do teacher-related stuff. Lesson planning, grading, printing, and then some more. When you’re teaching you’re also supposed to stop your lecture when interruptions come knocking your door because they are trying to locate so and so. And they need a quick word with your class and it just seems there’s not a good decent teaching moment going on. Except when you’re teaching ESL and/or the science or social studies topics you like.

You can’t let the negative stuff affect you. You’ll end up showing your disinterest and guess what your students will slowly get bit by that bug too.

Teaching is not what I expected. It’s entirely different from the imaginary teaching life I used to pretend with my stuffed animals.

It’s different, but it’s where I am at right now. And maybe it’s not like this everywhere. Maybe it’s just the place where I am at. But sometimes I do feel teaching isn’t for me. At least not all the subjects. I’d be happier to teach and grade the subjects that interest me.

After all, I am an English major. Oh, the enthusiasm I’d have if I were to strictly teach that subject or relating ones like ESL.

And I’m sure every place has their setbacks and printers that are busy and what not. But teaching is stressful on the days that I am not fully prepared. And that requires setting my mornings to plan the activities for the day. I feel like I don’t really have time off. But at least with this position I’ll find out if teaching grows on me or if it’s not for me the way I’m feeling right now.

I’m actually excited for this week’s lessons and activities. So I’m making sure to regain any lost classroom management or enthusiasm for that matter that I may have let loose of last week. And I’m going to give it my all even though I feel it’s consuming everything. Thank God it’s seasonal in this location, and may I find the place I’m really meant to be. May I be able to save and pay off my debts. And start that which my heart truly desires if it’s in His plans.

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